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Description
A much-needed perspective on how to mother difficult adult children while balancing one’s own needs.
Difficult brings to life the conflicts that arise for mothers who are confronted with the unexpected, burdensome, and even catastrophic dependencies of their adult children associated with mental illness, substance use, or chronic unemployment. Through real stories of mothers and their challenging adult children, this book offers relatable, provocative, and, at times, shocking illustrations of the excruciating maternal dilemma: Which takes precedence—the needs of the mother or of the distressed adult child?
With guidance for finding social support, staying safe, engaging in self-care, and helping the adult child, Difficult is a compassionate resource for those living in a family situation which too many keep secret and allows readers to see that they are not alone.
Table of Contents
Author’s Note
Part One Intro– Through A Mother’s Eyes
Chapter 1: What is a Difficult Adult Child?
Chapter 2: Once a Mother, Always a Mother?
Chapter 3: Give Me Shelter
Chapter 4: Shame and Blame
Chapter 5: Torn in Two
Chapter 6: Mental Illness in the Family
Chapter 7: Who Cares for the Mentally Ill?
Chapter 8: Substance Abuse in the Family
Chapter 9: Chromic Sorrow
Chapter 10: Violence in the Family
Chapter 11: Pain of the Past
Part Two Intro– Small Steps
Chapter 12: Stages of Change
Chapter 13: Seeing and Not Seeing
Chapter 14: Self-Assessment
Part Three Intro– Helping yourself
Chapter 15: Social Support
Chapter 16: Self-care
Chapter 17: Staying Safe
Chapter 18: Helping Your Adult Child Get Help
Chapter 19: What comes next?
Appendix A: Resources for Mothers and Adult Children
Appendix B: Research Methodology
Appendix C: The Mothers
Difficult: Mothering through conflict and commitment
Table of Contents
Notes
Index
About the Author
Product details
Published | 15 Feb 2022 |
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Format | Ebook (PDF) |
Edition | 1st |
Extent | 280 |
ISBN | 9798881852665 |
Imprint | Rowman & Littlefield Publishers |
Illustrations | 5 tables; 58 textboxes |
Publisher | Bloomsbury Publishing |
About the contributors
Reviews
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This fine book will be profoundly helpful to all the women who needed it yesterday. At last, we have a book on the subject of difficult children that is profoundly sympathetic with and empathic toward mothers. It is excellent cultural therapy.
Mary Pipher, author of “Reviving Ophelia” and “Women Rowing North”
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Difficult will appeal to a wide audience, most notably to women whose lives are consumed by the emotional, financial, and temporal demands of adult offspring who are unable to independently
manage their own lives. It will also be informative and useful to practitioners and academics in social work, sociology, gerontology, elder abuse, developmental psychology, and mental health. It can serve as a primer for anyone who wants to understand how and why some women feel the need to remain involved, even in control, of an adult child’s life. Any reader is sure to come away with a deeper appreciation for the immense burden carried by mothers who recognize an adult child’s chronic state of crisis and those mothers’ subsequent decision to mobilize when their adult child’s limitations manifest in consequences too dire to tolerate, thus necessitating their intervention and ongoing, active involvement.Affilia: Feminist Inquiry in Social Work
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This is an important and much-needed book. Professor Smith examines the many ways that mothers are profoundly affected by the struggles, sorrows, and needs of their adult children. I’ll be recommending it widely not only to parents, but to my colleagues. Difficult explores a neglected area of research and guidance that families, psychologists, and physicians, can learn from.
Joshua Coleman, PhD, psychologist, and author of “Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict”
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I am someone who has lived in fear in my own home, afraid of my own adult son. This book brings to light the unfair AND unsafe burden that has been placed on families of adult children with serious brain illnesses and substance use disorders. I hope every legislator, health care provider, social worker, and community leader reads this book and is moved to create the much-needed treatment policy changes, funding, and #HousingThatHeals for our adult children living with serious brain illnesses and substance use disorders.
Leslie Carpenter, IA mental health advocate
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The difficulties of having an adult child with problems, particularly those who are mentally ill, abusing substances, or violent is often overlooked by mental health professionals, the media, and the public. Any mother with difficult children who reads this will undoubtedly no longer feel so alone. It is a book of despair and of hope, anger and love.
Nancy R. Hooyman, professor and dean emeriti, University of Washington School of Social Work
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We all know parents who are struggling with their difficult grown children. They would do well to read Difficult, a wise and insightful book. Judith Smith tells the hard family stories and offers both compassion and hope.
Jane Isay, author of “Unconditional Love: A Guide to Navigating the Joys and Challenges of Being a Grandparent Today”