Social worker and child development specialist Lerner was the director of parenting resources at the national organization Zero to Three for nearly two decades, during which she met with many parents who expressed feelings of helplessness or loss of control when in conflict with their toddlers. In this book, Lerner argues that eight “faulty mindsets” can prevent parents from objectively approaching conflict. She addresses ways parents can shift their mindset when facing common concerns of toddler years (tantrums, cooperation, aggression, sleep, potty training, feeding, dealing with children with highly sensitive temperaments). These are accompanied by case studies of parents struggling with a variety of situations. This helpful resource posits that shifting one’s mindset can help parents see conflicts objectively and identify causes; its tactics should equip parents to center their needs and their child’s.

Library Journal

Child development–specialist Lerner turns her decades of experience into an easy-to-implement guide for navigating common sticking points of early childhood. Her goal is to shift parents’ perspectives so as to accept “that you can’t control your children but you can control the situation,” as that mindset “enables you to focus on changing your reactions in a way that reduces power struggles.” After identifying eight “faulty mindsets” (such as “my child is misbehaving on purpose” and “experiencing failure is harmful for my child”), Lerner tackles thorny issues such as tantrums (parents should view them as a form of “temporary distress” that ultimately leads to resilience), aggression (creating a “cooldown space” can help), and potty training (reframe it as “potty learning,” to start). Lerner bolsters her advice with case studies and real-world anecdotes: to end mealtime battles, for example, Lerner writes of a child who was provided two plates, one for preferred foods and the other a “learning plate,” which encouraged her to try new things. Recap strategy lists round out chapters, providing straightforward steps that will help readers put her advice into practice. Parents of young children in particular will welcome Lerner’s perspective and actionable advice.

Publishers Weekly

Lerner shares her 30-plus years of experience of working with families and the eight faulty mindsets she believes “prevent parents from setting loving limits.” First she explains how these flawed mindsets, from "my child is misbehaving on purpose" to "experiencing difficult emotions is harmful to my child," negatively affect behaviors in early childhood. Lerner next walks readers through several real-life examples of parents struggling with their young children. Lerner advises that rather than expecting their toddlers to control their emotions, readers should, with empathy, know that their children are driven by emotions and need help to follow rules and cope with frustration. Lerner describes how to shift these faulty mindsets and addresses the most common areas of challenge during the toddler years: cooperation, tantrums, aggression, sleep, potty learning, and feeding. The final chapter, on discipline, encourages responsive instead of reactive parenting. Solid guidance for rediscovering the joy of parenting and creating more positive connections with children.

Booklist

[This book is] a no-nonsense, plain-terms resource for parents of young children. Drawing upon examples from the author's own practice, Why Is My Child in Charge? offers parents practical, experience-tested advice for dealing with tantrums, physical aggression, sleep problems, potty training, mealtime, and much more. Why Is My Child in Charge? is absolutely invaluable for especially for new parents, and highly recommended for both personal and public library collections.

Midwest Book Review

The roadmap that Ms. Lerner provides to meet the challenges of parenting littles ones is filled with practical examples that will resonate for so many parents. This book is compelling to read, as parents will find their own struggles mirrored in the examples that Ms. Lerner provides, along with clear and practical solutions. From my own perspective as a primary care pediatrician, this book meets the needs of families like so many I’ve seen throughout my years in practice who despaired in gaining control at home with their toddlers. Based on sound principles of child development and years of experience, this volume guides parents by providing clear strategies to finding or regaining the joy in parenting.

Ellie Hamburger, MD, Medical Director, Children's National Pediatricians and Associates

Claire has mastered communication with young children and provides an excellent, tangible framework for parents. I have used Claire as my go-to parenting resource for over 10 years, and I am thrilled to be able to direct families to Why is My Child in Charge?

Ellen O'Brien, MD, pediatrician