Extravagant Expectations is a provocative book. Paul Hollander gauges the current state of romance, individualism, pragmatism, and relationship formation in today's society while giving us some historical and cultural perspective based on the novels and studies of the American and European dating and mating scene over the last several hundred years. His thesis is that Americans want so many things out of love, (and so many contradictory things) that love and romance are muddled-and perhaps unattainable at the level of pickiness and idealization-demonstrated in personal columns, on line, and in the popular literature. There is much to chew on here: and Dr.Hollander's intriguing insights will no doubt cause debate as well as insight. He advises us that our reach may extend further than our grasp, and that our choices may be more limited than we want to acknowledge by our own characteristics, the contingencies of life, and the life cycle. Whether you agree with him or not, you will want to read this book.

Dr. Pepper Schwartz, professor of sociology, University of Washington; author of The Normal Bar

Paul Hollander brings the cool precision of the sociologist and the sharp insights of a cultural critic to this investigation of American conceptions of romantic love in the 21st century. Hollander is the Alexis de Tocqueville of today's dating manners and mores, and his travels through the American romantic landscape provides a fresh perspective on the cultural contradictions in the restless American pursuit of happiness.

Barbara Defoe Whitehead, codirector of National Marriage Project at Rutgers; author of Why There Are No Good Men Left

Paul Hollander's stimulating and long overdue exposition of the vagaries of romantic love in the modern age is broadly conceived and extensively researched. His dispassionate and careful analysis of current trends allows him to identify contradictory forces that inevitably make for a pervasive sense of dissatisfaction and loss among Americans. In this the book serves as a necessary corrective to much that is currently peddled on the topic of love and marriage by pop-psychologists and the flourishing advice industry. What is more, in spite of his melancholic findings, Hollander frequently manages to be entertaining-no mean achievement for a social scientist!

Brigitte Berger, Boston University

In this sociological study of modern American ideals of romantic love, Hollander (sociology, Univ. of Massachusetts, Amherst; The End of Commitment: Intellectuals, Revolutionaries, and Political Morality in the Twentieth Century) departs from his previous focus on criticism of communism and the Left to examine the impact of individualism and moral relativism on the expectations of romantic relationships. He compares and contrasts 19th-century romanticism with American individualism and examines popular self-help books, print personal ads, and individual profiles on a popular online dating site. By studying self-promotion and descriptions of ideal partners in print and online personal ads, Hollander successfully identifies the desirable traits and characteristics sought by those looking for a romantic partner. He concludes that these attributes are often deeply in contention with one another because of the conflict that arises from individualism vs. the need for community. VERDICT While popular works have been published about personal ads and online dating, Hollander provides a unique scholarly examination about how they mirror contemporary American romantic ideals. Recommended for readers with a serious interest in sociology and contemporary American culture.

Library Journal

Here's something genuinely new under the summer sun: a book that can be enjoyed simultaneously by anyone with an interest in modern sociology — and by anyone who has ever read or placed a personals ad. Put differently, it's a book for everyone interested in understanding how, and why, the pursuit of love and sex today differs so radically from what came before....In the end, [Hollander] is among the few lately to have looked into the tea leaves of modern romance and found something new to say. He has said it, moreover, with a fresh eye, new insights, and a humane and at times even humorous heart. Fans of his previous work will not be surprised by having their high expectations met. But they will be pleased to see that this latest book is not only informative and interesting, but also entertaining as real sociology rarely is — in all, an extravagant accomplishment.

National Review

Hollander looks at the ways in which users of Internet dating sites present themselves and the ideal mates for whom they quest. A 'fun orientation' is the No. 1 quality most sought after, even in the religiously and politically conservative Midwest and South. Although many of the Internet romance-seekers claim to be searching for serious long-term relationships, few express much interest in the qualities that have traditionally denoted husband and wife material, such as being a good provider or skilled homemaker.

The Wall Street Journal