Holden’s debut is an insightful, heartfelt exploration of open adoption, an evolving arrangement that has been growing in popularity over the last 20 years. Her endorsement is personal; she has two children from open adoptions and maintains that openness helps heal adoption’s split between a person’s “biology” and “biography”. She references open adoption as a “process” that encourages high-functioning relationships between birth parents, extended family members, and adopted parents. Open, honest, age-appropriate dialogue with adopted children about their biological background is stressed. Part one addresses basic information about open adoption, including common terminology, benefits as well as challenges, ethical concerns, choosing a professional to help navigate the process, dealing with the grief of infertility prior to adoption, and ingredients for a successful open adoption. Advice on how to incorporate, and set boundaries with, birth parents and extended birth families are included. Part two emphasizes the child (adoptee), and helps children respond to insensitive questions from others. Foster, international, and donor situations are also detailed. Anecdotes from birth parents, adoptive parents, and adult adopted children are included, establishing rapport between readers and real-life families. Holden skillfully covers many bases, including potential “bumps in the road,” offering appendices and resources for further guidance.

Publishers Weekly

Written with input from her daughter’s birth mother Crystal Hass, The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole is both personal and dispassionate. A primer for open adoption, Holden's book is full of personal anecdotes from her own life as well as others living open adoption. Lori isn’t an expert, a social worker, or a psychologist. She’s a mom and super-connected blogger with two children on the brink of young adulthood, both of whom have sometimes on-again, off-again relationships with their birth parents…. The book offers practical tools to help adoptive parents make decisions about everything from embarking on an open adoption to opening a closed local or international adoption. She gives concrete how-to’s on managing visits (use the in-law test), talking to the public about your adoption (educate, use humor, ask a question or say it’s private), handling difficult subjects and feelings with your kids (depersonalize the situation), and coaching your kids on how to handle comments from peers (choose whether to share, walk away, educate or say “it’s private”)..... The meat of the book is devoted to families living open adoption, which is where the book really shines. There are helpful sections for pre-adoptive parents wondering how to enter an open adoption, families in difficult or challenging situations with birth parents (common in foster care adoptions, closed adoptions that could be opened and international adoptions on the brink of openness.

Focus on Adoption

Written with input from her daughter’s birth mother Crystal Hass, The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole is both personal and dispassionate. A primer for open adoption, Holden's book is full of personal anecdotes from her own life as well as others living open adoption. Lori isn’t an expert, a social worker, or a psychologist. She’s a mom and super-connected blogger with two children on the brink of young adulthood, both of whom have sometimes on-again, off-again relationships with their birth parents. . . . The book offers practical tools to help adoptive parents make decisions about everything from embarking on an open adoption to opening a closed local or international adoption. She gives concrete how-to’s on managing visits (use the in-law test), talking to the public about your adoption (educate, use humor, ask a question or say it’s private), handling difficult subjects and feelings with your kids (depersonalize the situation), and coaching your kids on how to handle comments from peers (choose whether to share, walk away, educate or say “it’s private”). . . . The meat of the book is devoted to families living open adoption, which is where the book really shines. There are helpful sections for pre-adoptive parents wondering how to enter an open adoption, families in difficult or challenging situations with birth parents (common in foster care adoptions, closed adoptions that could be opened and international adoptions on the brink of openness.

Focus on Adoption

I would highly recommend reading this book if you are waiting to adopt or if you are in an open adoption and looking for more guidance or information. Holden walks the reader through adoption – from the beginning stages, to the new relationship stage between the child, the birth parents, and the adoptive parents, to a relationship that will grow as time moves on. Holden and Hass share their views on what makes their adoption work and also share the views of others involved in their own open adoptions. The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption is a great book and should be used as a tool that can offer advice, anecdotes, and knowledge to anyone navigating their way through an open adoption relationship.

Our Story: A Blog About Open Adoption

The personal stories are by far the most interesting part of the book. . . adoptive families will find a lot of helpful information here, including basics like questions to ask while exploring adoption agencies and tips for putting together a photo album (the book that a birth parent looks through to choose an adoptive family), and meatier stuff like the key ingredients to making an open adoption relationship work. ... Adoptive and birth families should prepare themselves for the rigors of relationship, and this book offers valuable tools for navigation.

New Rhythm Project

Not only is Lori Holden an acknowledged thought leader in the area of open adoption, she is also truly beloved by the men and women who look to her for guidance, humor and balance when considering this route for themselves. Her book will be cherished by many and inspirational to all.

Corey Whelan, patient advocate and author, The American Fertility Association